Rudolph Percy Lafferty

I'm going to write a story.

Many of you will have heard of a planet called Earth. It's a pretty small planet, as planets go, but its just far away enough from the star it goes round for people to get a tan when they go on holiday. As a result, its quite a popular place to live and there about 6 billion people on it at the time of writing. That would be alright, but everyone chooses to live really close to each other and leave the majority of the planet uninhabitited. This makes things pretty crowded, but makes for some pretty interesting social situations, which is great for people who like that sort of thing.
One person who did like that sort of thing was called Rudy. He lived in a thing called a city, which was just a name given to any relatively large gathering of people all living in buildings built very close to each other. Other characteristics of a city are that they are more or less self contained, so that all the people who live in one rarely have to leave it, so long as the industry folk kept up a sufficent daily stream of food and medical supplies. This particular city was called Wolverhampton, and it was in a country called the United Kingdom, somewhere between the equator and the northern most pole of the planet. The reasons for the strange name of this country are a long and tedious tale which we will not go into here.
So Rudy from Wolverhampton was a 17 year old male of the genus homo sapien. His given name was Rudolph Percy Lafferty, but he thought that was a bit of a stupid name, so he told everyone he met to call him Rudy. Only his grandmother on his father's side, Margret Lafferty, still called him Rudolph, and no one ever bothered with the Percy. It makes you wonder why his parents bothered. So Rudy had finished school (a compulsory system of education emposed on children in the United Kingdom and most other countries of the planet) a year ago, and was mind-way through his A Levels (a 2 year academic qualification.) The story you are about to read recounts the somewhat remarkable events of the intervening summer. If you are using this document as a historical reference, don't for a moment imagine that the events described are typical of a teenager in Britain (aka the United Kingdom) during this period. Sure, every teenager has his or her fair share of drama, but the specific goings on vary depending on the individuals interests, upbringing and personality. With that in mind, we shall embark on our story...